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Building Blocks to a Strong Marriage

The following pages are excerpts taken from the pamphlet "Building Blocks to a Strong Marriage" which is distributed by RBC Ministries.

Lifelong Commitment – The husband and wife need to make a lifelong commitment. The scriptures make it clear that God's ideal for marriage is for one man and one woman for a lifetime. Except for the serious exception of marital unfaithfulness, the marriage vow is a lifelong commitment; it is a vow to God and each other that is not to be broken.

Shared Identity – The husband and wife need to see themselves as one. This may take some work as the husband and wife have had different habits, different backgrounds, and different backgrounds, not to also mention parents and other family members. No longer is it that a man or women are living by themselves, in marriage a new union and family unit is formed. Jesus has said "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."(Mt 19:5-6)

Absolute Faithfulness – Not only is marriage a lifelong commitment of two people who have a shared identity, it also calls for total fidelity on the part of the husband and wife. They are to be true to each other. Marital faithfulness is the fulfillment of the vow made before God and man during the wedding ceremony.

Well Defined Roles – Today's society has made an all out assault on marriage, and one of its attacks is on the traditional roles within the family. As a result husbands and wives need direction. The bible says that the husband is the head of the wife. (For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:23-25) This principle is one of the most misquoted and misused principles in Scripture. Marital headship does not mean that the husband is superior, it carries with it great responsibility. It does not mean that the wife's input is not needed or important. When understood and expressed in the sprit of Christ it provides a servants role. The husband is to provide love, be understanding and, self sacrificing, patient, and God fearing. A woman is instructed in the Bible to submit thoughtfully and wisely to the leadership of her husband. (Ephesians 5:22) God made man and woman together in a fulfilling, satisfying relationship. Eve was made to be ready to help Adam fulfill his God given role and responsibilities. (Genesis 2:18)

Unreserved Love – A solid part of a marriage is love,- genuine, heartfelt, through thick and thin, till death do us part love. A husband and wife are to love each other with the kind of unreserved love that leads them to honor each other, to esteem each other, to consider each other's welfare above their own, and to stay by each other's side through the highs and lows that occur in married life.

Mutual Submission – Submission and love go together. We know that God is love, but how do we know He loves us? Because with great humility and submission, Christ went to the cross (Philippians 2:5-8). In a Christian marriage, husband and wife, because they love God, are submitted to what the will of God is for them. They are in the process of letting go of themselves and submitting to God and to each other. Having the mind of Christ produces mutual submission.

Marriage is rising above self absorption
Marriage is being a servant
Marriage is seeing about each other hurts
Marriage is seeing when it is loving to not always have your way; give in

Sexual Fulfillment – In the garden paradise where it all began, Adam and Eve shared a wonderful intimacy. Furthermore the command to replenish the earth came before the fall. Intimacy and mutual physical fulfillment have always been part of the husband-wife relationship. The husband and wife are to find sexual fulfillment in each other. The bible gives the following perspective in 1rst Corinthians 7:2-3, "But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband." No one needs to tell us that we are living in a promiscuous age as is evident from television and other forms of advertising. A husband and wife who maintain intimacy are helping to protect each other from a sexually obsessed society.

Open Communication – A survey that was taken a few years ago discovered that 87 percent of husbands and wives interviewed said that the main problem in their marriages was communication. The wife feels frustrated because she can't get her husband to talk. The husband doesn't feel it does any good because his wife has already made up her mind anyway. Some other reasons that communication is lacking:

They take each other for granted
They want to avoid confrontation
They are obsessed with their own interest
They don't want to hurt the other person

For a marriage to be strong, the barriers to communication must be broken down. Some of the ways that these barriers can be broken down are:

Spouses need to talk to each other
Both should feel free to respond honestly
Every problem should be talked through
Opportunities for talking should be valued

What can you do if you feel your mate is not listening? Well after prayer try these suggestions:

Tell of your need to communicate
Don't rehash old conversations
Use only facts
Move onwards to the feeling and conviction levels

Tender Respect – Sometimes marital partners are like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. In public they are considerate, forgiving, patient, and sweet. But once they are behind closed doors of their own home, they turn ill tempered, surly, and unforgiving. Their mates only wish they could be treated the way their partner treats others. Ephesians 4:31-32 says "get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Spiritual Companionship – Finally and perhaps most important, a Christian husband and wife should see themselves as spiritual companions. They are making a spiritual journey through life together, walking hand in hand as children of God that awaits them. What a difference it makes when a marriage has a godly husband and a dedicated wife. There is to be a purifying, cleansing dimension to the marriage. Just as the church is made pure because of Jesus Christ, so the wife should be made better by her relationship to her husband. That is accomplished in the same way Christ helped the church; He loved it and gave himself for it. Love and sacrifice – these set a marriage apart and make possible a true spiritual companionship. Some qualities that will be present in a marriage where the husband and wife are spiritual companions:

They both worship the same true living God
They both seek to do the will of God
They both are accountable to Christ
They pray for each other
They encourage each other's faith

As a husband and wife draw closer to the Lord through prayer, Bible reading, fellowship, and submission to Christ, they will also draw closer to each other. This relationship may be visualized as a triangle. As the husband and wife draw closer to God, they will also grow closer to each other in a relationship that pleases God.